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@_SetTheHook_ : Worst thing about having sex with a Canadian girl is having to sit through BOTH of our national anthems before we start.
@_SetTheHook_: Nice try, self check out lanes. There's not even any mirrors.
@_SetTheHook_: My favorite childhood memory is not having a job.
@_SetTheHook_: If I ever ask you, very seductively, "Do you wanna do it?"
It means take a nap.
@_SetTheHook_: "I'll drink to that."
-me to my next drink
@_SetTheHook_: Sorry, I can't make it. Can't find my "goin out" sweatpants.
-An A to Z guide to parenting.
@_SetTheHook_: You're the unreachable booger of people.
@_SetTheHook_: "Woo, I'm on a roll today, baby!"
@_SetTheHook_: I'm just gonna put an egg under my kid's pillows and tell them the Easter Bunny and Tooth Fairy must've went out drinking the night before.