They should just go ahead and put a volume setting on my TV that says “Eating Doritos”.
My friend David had his id stolen. I just call him Dav.
Had to have “the talk” with my 5yr old. He asked me where sandwiches come from.
Thesaurus was the first dinosaur to get murdered. No one likes a know it all.
I went on a date with a girl I met from twitter once. It didn’t work out, but he’s one of the nicest guys I’ve ever met.