Back in the old days you had to settle for someone within a 50 mile radius to love. Now with social media the whole world can disappoint you.
My 2yr old tells people that grandma goes to a booty shop. My mom asks that I help her say beauty correctly, but this way is much more fun.
After multiple failed attempts to sleep in my bed my 3yr old came creeping in wearing sun glasses. After being denied once again she said “I tried a disguise this time. I thought for sure it would work.”
Everyone thinks it’s so funny if my 2yr old rips her dress off at a bday party but if I do it then it’s “inappropriate” & “we need to talk.”
My phone died at the gym and I had to do the elliptical with zero entertainment like the pioneers did in the olden days.
My 3yr old lost her mind because I apparently hurt her doll’s feelings. I swear I’ve been nothing but polite to that doll but now it’s on.
If you’re feeling a little too good about yourself let your child take a pic of you laying on the couch. Tada! You are now Jaba the Hut.
“I don’t have that many gray hairs. I’ll just pluck them out.”
aaaaand….now I’m bald.
I said hi to someone and a bug flew into my mouth. Lesson learned.
I figured out the best time to go grocery shopping these days is at 3:45 AM, before the Girl Scouts even wake up. Ha, I’ll show them.