Seductively takes 378 bobby pins out of my hair
My dog stepped in the pumpkin pie. I’m serving it anyway.
I’ve seen your area rug, and you sir are not single.
[takes drag of cigarette]
“That energy bar is full of sugar”
“The fridge door is open!” I yell from upstairs because I’m a woman and I can sense these things.
Unless you’re turned on by a description of a homeless person under a bridge don’t ask me what I’m wearing.
Wiggle is the best of all rooms.
I want to rub myself all over you like a dog rolling in a dead raccoon.
My car is not officially locked until I hear the horn beep 86 times.
Tip for great hair: Don’t wash it for 17 days. Finally shower. Wait for the compliments to roll in.