Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of _Water_Baby's best tweets

@_Water_Baby : I have faith in unanswered prayers, unless I am stepping on the scale.

@_Water_Baby: Sneaking out of the house is a skill I've used way more as a mom than I ever did as a teenager.

@_Water_Baby: Bruises are your bodies way of reminding you that you should nap more and gallivant less.

@_Water_Baby: I just tried to place an order for coffee but my husband hung up on me.

@_Water_Baby: Never thought I’d be the type of person who competes for attention. Then I got a cat.

@_Water_Baby: At the beginning of a long plane ride, I like to ask my husband why he loves me. His frantic look for an escape hatch entertains me.

@_Water_Baby: After reading his last talk to text message, I’m convinced I’m married to a pirate.

@_Water_Baby: You inspired me to sing. Never mind the dogs howling for me to stop.

@_Water_Baby: Sex so good you forget you're married...to each other.

@_Water_Baby: Putting carrot sticks in the break room next to the cake is considered work place violence, Jim. Security will see you out.