Funny Tweeter

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Page of _b1p0larbear's best tweets

@_b1p0larbear : Daughter 7 catches spiders, puts them in jars to make them fight, then releases the victor.
I don't know whether to be impressed or scared.

@_b1p0larbear: Long story short: Always check headphones for spiders before you put them on.

@_b1p0larbear: Thinking about kids?
My son poured syrup in every floor vent. 11 years later it still smells like waffles every time the heat comes on.

@_b1p0larbear: I wondered if my wife was asleep so I held my phone a foot over her face and turned it on.
Then I dropped it onto her nose.
She's awake now.