@_salt_n_lime

Every time I turn in a job application and don’t get hired, I just assume they found this account.

@_salt_n_lime

When she tells you she’s a dirty girl and you get the pictures and realize she meant she never cleans her house.

@_salt_n_lime

Don’t tell me how to run my account and I won’t make a voodoo doll just to dunk your head in the toilet.

@_salt_n_lime

My friendship transcends political bullshit. But if you don’t like cheeseburgers, you’re dead to me.

@_salt_n_lime

Netflix still asking if we’re there like we can leave the gd house.

@_salt_n_lime

All I’m saying is no one had the coronavirus when people were eating Tide Pods.

@_salt_n_lime

Me: I don’t like anyone enough to live with them.

Friend: You’re married with 4 kids.

Me: I said what I said.

@_salt_n_lime

Just sent my husband a text meant for my bf and now he thinks I want to have sex.

@_salt_n_lime

My husband told me to hurry up so naturally I took an extra 30 minutes to get ready.