What’s with this ‘running with scissors’ bullshit? Why would you run with scissors? Are you that excited to cut paper?
Shopping for bridesmaid dresses with 5 other women, today. If you never hear from me again, I committed suicide by nail file.
He thought I wore a size two.
A size two?!
I started laughing so hard, I spit out the donut I was eating.
Him: My voice is a little hoarse.
Me: You have a pony?!
Me: I wish I had a pony. *pouts*
But I love food, why would it want to poison me? 🙁
People always comment about how young I look. I just tell them it’s because of all the placenta I’ve been eating.