Funny Tweeter

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Page of _steamy_mac's best tweets

@_steamy_mac : You are my sunshine.

In the sense that long term exposure to you is slowly killing me.

@_steamy_mac: Her: I like you.
Me: I’m a complete psycho, none of this is an act. Godspeed.

@_steamy_mac: Her: Don’t make this weird.
Me: I don’t know any other way to do things.

@_steamy_mac: Alcoholism is a wonderful way to turn today’s problems into tomorrow’s even bigger problems.

@_steamy_mac: I’m gonna live tweet my Game of Thrones experience tonight, you guys ready? Here we go:

I can’t afford HBO.

@_steamy_mac: I used to skateboard 15 hours a day and now I have to stop and rest half way through putting my socks on.

@_steamy_mac: Pour some sugar on me. More. Keep going. Okay, now bricks.

@_steamy_mac: Nothing like going out to a crowded place to remind yourself why you never ever go to crowded places and also a lot of people smell bad and WHY ARE YOU STANDING SO CLOSE THERE IS NO NEED FOR YOU TO BE TOUCHING ME THIS LINE ISN’T GONNA MOVE FASTER IF YOU’RE PRESSED AGAINST ME!!!

@_steamy_mac: “The baby’s been crying all day, we should microwave some fish.” - my neighbours

@_steamy_mac: If I pick you up hitchhiking and you haven’t murdered me in the first 25 miles, that’s the end of the free ride, bud.