Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

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Page of _steamy_mac's best tweets

@_steamy_mac : Someone I don’t know sent me a message that was just 3 question marks, and I replied, “Same.”

@_steamy_mac: The pen is mightier than the sword if you have a really good pen and a really shitty sword.

@_steamy_mac: Gonna start wearing exclusively white jeans. With lots of zippers on them. No pockets, just so many zippers.

@_steamy_mac: Left the door unlocked and didn't get murdered again.

@_steamy_mac: You are my sunshine.

In the sense that long term exposure to you is slowly killing me.

@_steamy_mac: Her: I like you.
Me: I’m a complete psycho, none of this is an act. Godspeed.

@_steamy_mac: Her: Don’t make this weird.
Me: I don’t know any other way to do things.

@_steamy_mac: Alcoholism is a wonderful way to turn today’s problems into tomorrow’s even bigger problems.

@_steamy_mac: I’m gonna live tweet my Game of Thrones experience tonight, you guys ready? Here we go:

I can’t afford HBO.

@_steamy_mac: I used to skateboard 15 hours a day and now I have to stop and rest half way through putting my socks on.