Those aren’t chest pains, that’s just what being an adult feels like.
Someone I don’t know sent me a message that was just 3 question marks, and I replied, “Same.”
The pen is mightier than the sword if you have a really good pen and a really shitty sword.
Gonna start wearing exclusively white jeans. With lots of zippers on them. No pockets, just so many zippers.
Left the door unlocked and didn’t get murdered again.
You are my sunshine.
In the sense that long term exposure to you is slowly killing me.
Her: I like you.
Me: I’m a complete psycho, none of this is an act. Godspeed.
Her: Don’t make this weird.
Me: I don’t know any other way to do things.
Alcoholism is a wonderful way to turn today’s problems into tomorrow’s even bigger problems.
I’m gonna live tweet my Game of Thrones experience tonight, you guys ready? Here we go:
I can’t afford HBO.