@_steamy_mac

Those aren’t chest pains, that’s just what being an adult feels like.

@_steamy_mac

Someone I don’t know sent me a message that was just 3 question marks, and I replied, “Same.”

@_steamy_mac

The pen is mightier than the sword if you have a really good pen and a really shitty sword.

@_steamy_mac

Gonna start wearing exclusively white jeans. With lots of zippers on them. No pockets, just so many zippers.

@_steamy_mac

You are my sunshine.

In the sense that long term exposure to you is slowly killing me.

@_steamy_mac

Her: I like you.
Me: I’m a complete psycho, none of this is an act. Godspeed.

@_steamy_mac

Her: Don’t make this weird.
Me: I don’t know any other way to do things.

@_steamy_mac

Alcoholism is a wonderful way to turn today’s problems into tomorrow’s even bigger problems.

@_steamy_mac

I’m gonna live tweet my Game of Thrones experience tonight, you guys ready? Here we go:

I can’t afford HBO.