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Page of _wangwe's best tweets

@_wangwe : Judge: Did you commit murder?

Me: I'm a man. I'm afraid of commitment.

Judge: hahaha!

Me: hahaha!

Judge: Life.

@_wangwe: Hold the door for your girlfriend. Listen to the door. Tell the door everything will be okay. Leave your girlfriend for the door.

@_wangwe: Her: I heard your sister went to the US.
Me: Yeah she did.
Her: Which state?
Me: Alaska.
Her: Cool, when she tells you, tell me.

@_wangwe: Every time I go into my boss' office she tells me "take a seat". I have 14 now.

@_wangwe: Superman's first day at the daily planet.

Boss: Since you're new, you might need supervision.

Clark: I have that, superhearing too.

@_wangwe: Never ask a shepherd how many sheep he owns, I don't think he'd know, he probably falls asleep every time he takes inventory.

@_wangwe: Make her feel like she's the only woman on earth. Because nothing makes women happier than feeling like all other women are dead.