Judge: Did you commit murder?
Me: I’m a man. I’m afraid of commitment.
Hold the door for your girlfriend. Listen to the door. Tell the door everything will be okay. Leave your girlfriend for the door.
Her: I heard your sister went to the US.
Me: Yeah she did.
Her: Which state?
Her: Cool, when she tells you, tell me.
Every time I go into my boss’ office she tells me “take a seat”. I have 14 now.
Superman’s first day at the daily planet.
Boss: Since you’re new, you might need supervision.
Clark: I have that, superhearing too.
Never ask a shepherd how many sheep he owns, I don’t think he’d know, he probably falls asleep every time he takes inventory.
Make her feel like she’s the only woman on earth. Because nothing makes women happier than feeling like all other women are dead.