Next time someone leaves an empty shampoo bottle in the shower, I’m filling it with pancake syrup.
Yes, autocorrect. That’s right. I wash clothes in my washington machine.
Her: Your hair looks nice today
Me: Thanks. I slept differently.
Never feel more attractive than when my picture of cornbread gets almost as many likes as my selfie. “She’s ok, but she’s no cornbread.”
Just some repair guys and me at work right now. If a pizza delivery guy and a director show up, I’m leaving.
I hope I’m not the only one who hovers over someone when they use my favorite pen just so they know I’m serious about wanting it back.