@_wendyb07

Next time someone leaves an empty shampoo bottle in the shower, I’m filling it with pancake syrup.

@_wendyb07

Yes, autocorrect. That’s right. I wash clothes in my washington machine.

@_wendyb07

Her: Your hair looks nice today

Me: Thanks. I slept differently.

@_wendyb07

Never feel more attractive than when my picture of cornbread gets almost as many likes as my selfie. “She’s ok, but she’s no cornbread.”

@_wendyb07

Just some repair guys and me at work right now. If a pizza delivery guy and a director show up, I’m leaving.

@_wendyb07

I hope I’m not the only one who hovers over someone when they use my favorite pen just so they know I’m serious about wanting it back.