Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets
We're redesigning Funny Tweeter. Your feedback is always welcome. Talk to us at
@abbycohenwl : Exorcist: I'm here to remove the demon that has possessed you
Me: I didn't call you
Demon: I did
@abbycohenwl: Bad Responses to "I love you":
- I'm sorry
- Lol good luck with that
- Who isn't?
- I know, mom
- Does that mean I can have your office
- You fool. You silly little fool
- Prove it by naming me as your sole life insurance beneficiary
@abbycohenwl: Bank Teller: Ma’am, this is a regular bank, not a blood bank. Please stop trying to give me your blood
Me: Oh this isn’t mine
@abbycohenwl: "Holy shit I'm a cat?"
@abbycohenwl: Boss: I hope you didnt think about work while you were on vacation
Me: I don’t even think about it when I’m here
@abbycohenwl: I'm sorry your baby is crying right now. Have you tried taking it farther away from me?
@abbycohenwl: What if earth is just God's Tamagotchi that he forgot about?
@abbycohenwl: Him: You matter
Me: I know, Tarzan. We all are
@abbycohenwl: Waiter: Ma'am, your meal comes with two sides
Me (dragging a cigarette): Everything does, kid. Everything
@abbycohenwl: My neighbor’s smart refrigerator keeps trying to text me salami
There is only one rule, it should be funny, you can submit your own tweet or one you think is funny.
Submit a Tweet
FunnyTweeter.com is a daily updated collection of funniest tweets from all over the world. We did not write these tweets, all credit goes to the original authors, follow them and encourage them to tweet more :)
We also retweet all the tweets we post on this site, might as well follow us on Twitter!
And what's more, we post our best tweets in Facebook as well! Like us on Facebook to get a daily dose of Funny Tweeter on your news feed.