@abhorrent_wife

I just apologized for sending someone a text using shouty font because I couldn’t remember the term “all caps”.

@abhorrent_wife

There’s a fine line between confidence and delusion and I ride that shit like a bear on a unicycle.

@abhorrent_wife

Sometimes I have my shit together, sometimes I eat an unidentified white substance out of my hair and am grateful when it’s frosting.

@abhorrent_wife

I don’t always try to use big words but when I do, I accidentally tell a mother her toddler was a necrophiliac today instead of narcoleptic.

@abhorrent_wife

I’m at my sexiest when I find the grown out patch of hair on the outside of my ankle I missed with the razor the last 17 times I shaved.

@abhorrent_wife

All it took was a skirt and one strong gust of wind and all of a sudden, my spirit animal is Hello Kitty.

@abhorrent_wife

Taught the 5yo to say “totes magotes” to annoy my husband who can’t figure out why the kid keeps yelling, “COACH MY GOATS, DAD!”

Nailed it.

@abhorrent_wife

Hi, I’m Megan. You may know me from such public encounters with kids as “No, YOUR face is stupid” and “I didn’t trip you, you fell”.