what i say: i love you, be back in two minutes
what my dog hears: goodbye forever
oh you like road-trips? name every road then
I want what they have
I’m not exaggerating when I say if I ever clogged a toilet at work I would immediately quit, change my name, and move to a different city
Childbirth is so beautiful
why doesn’t every store have a lost spouse aisle??
the sexual tension when everyone arrives at a 4-way stop at the same time
cat people: dogs are fine
dog people: cats are sent from the devil
inflation so bad the sorting hat had to get another job
sure sex is great but have you ever had someone appreciate your music recommendations
wtf management?!
shout out to the insomniacs, only three more sleeps until halloween
dating apps aren’t working so it’s time to look confused in a trader joe’s
Normally don’t love when patients lie to me but today a patient said I was tall and my 5’8 self believed them
i don’t trust anyone who says they miss high school