Boss: and you’re sure you know the names of all the vegetables?
Sign maker on his 1st day: …yes
So glad I finally got around to correcting that spelling mistake I made to the girl I fancied 8 years ago
The girl I just showed off my Fitbit to thought I was really cool until she saw my heart rate increasing with every second she spoke to me
Just bumped into my old French teacher and she asked me what I’m up to now. I told her I go to the cinema and play football with my brother.
I will never tire of sending random messages like this to random numbers
I just bumped into my old headmistress who said how weird it is to see me all grown up now. Surely it would be weirder if I was still 9.
So if Humpty Dumpty is an egg, what species is the thing inside him? Another egg?
“No I mean do you have any questions about the job?”