Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

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Page of adult_mom's best tweets

@adult_mom : I am eggnogstic as in eggnog is my lord and savior

@adult_mom: my toddler is intentionally throwing food on the floor and then yelling “UH OH” which is maddening as hell and also uncomfortably reminiscent of my own process in life choices

@adult_mom: A cool thing about kids is how they make you keep an open mind, like when your 3 year old wakes you up to ask “What if we were hotdogs?” and you’re like, oh damn what if

@adult_mom: Start yelling "DON'T FORGET!" when saying goodbye to people so that they panic about what they're supposed to be remembering

@adult_mom: [me as an uber driver]

yeah I have a degree but this way I can also make crying in my car profitable

@adult_mom: I turned off the TV today and made my kids play board games like it was 1955 and now I know why all of our grandparents were alcoholics

@adult_mom: I hate when people ask if my newborn is a "good baby" and I have to tell them that he cries a lot and about how he keeps robbing banks