A coffee table book, but it’s just pictures of me being forcibly awakened by the employees of various mattress stores across the country.
The plane starts going down. I say, “If we die, know that hat is hideous”. We all survive. Great Aunt Mildred hasn’t spoken to me since.
What if cats are born with names & the fact that we call them names that aren’t those names is the reason they act irrationally towards us?
Barring any distractions, it only takes about three months to teach a meerkat how to throw knives.
If you walk into a room that’s empty except for a clown doll sitting in a chair at a tiny table, you’re probably about to be murdered.
May you always be the one looking confused standing in the back of a group selfie
*walks out into irradiated air using an antique porcelain teacup as a gas mask*
*dies instantly, but with a touch of class*