@aimlessamers

First date
Me: when you said you were a WWF fanatic, I thought you meant Words with Friends

Him:(in tights) YOU’RE GOING DOWN *flips table*

@aimlessamers

Since it’s hunting season, we are allowed to shoot the cars with the antlers on them, right?

@aimlessamers

I hate it when I gain 10 pounds for a role and then realize I’m not even an actor.

@aimlessamers

Listen to your instincts. Your gut is always right. It may be a little bloated sometimes…but it’s right.

@aimlessamers

Dating is like a 2-day-old box of chocolates.

The good ones are already taken.

@aimlessamers

No thanks, 28 yr old hitting on me at the bar… With our age difference, I wouldn’t be a cougar… more like a saber-toothed tiger.

@aimlessamers

English, if I ran it:
A group of geese is called a “group”
A group of buffalo is called a “group”
A group of catfish is called a “group”