@ajax06

I got a 100 dollar giftcard to Kmart and now I can’t decide which Kmart I want to buy.

@ajax06

No matter how powerless you feel, just think to yourself, one single pubic hair off of your body can shut down an entire restaurant.

@ajax06

I have a special place in my heart. For blood and vessels and stuff.

@ajax06

My favorite thing to say to old people is, “When I was your age I didn’t believe in reincarnation either”.