@alispagnola

I just literally fell INSIDE a public toilet because I did too many squats earlier and couldn’t control my sitting down. This is the greatest proof I’ve ever had that fitness is not worth the struggle.

@alispagnola

“What character would I like to see throwing up in a parking lot?”

-How I pick my Halloween costume

@alispagnola

There are many different theories about why humans even need to sleep but I’m pretty sure it’s to charge our phones.

@alispagnola

I asked my friend what keeps her up at night. She answered, “helium.” Also, my friend is a balloon.

@alispagnola

What happens when you retweet a compliment about how humble you are?

@alispagnola

Facebook definitely needs to change their name. Pretty sure books aren’t supposed to make you dumber.

@alispagnola

Target had a credit card breach? But only with in-store purchases, not online? More proof you’re better off staying home with no pants on.