The eliptical I want costs $500, the cheeseburger I want cost $1, you see my dilemma?
I just went through the $10 carwash by myself without any kids and it was the best vacation I’ve been on in 4 years.
If you’re going to walk a mile in my shoes, take my fitbit with you.
I’ve been shelling pistachios for 3 hours now, I have 9.
“How’d ya get that bruise on your cheek?”
*remembers dropping her phone on her face in bed*
Me: Street Fight
Me: The house is clean!
Kid: Hold my juice box!
Me: I like your Prince tattoo.
“It’s my mother.”
Me: Your mother is Prince?
I can’t RSVP until I know the wifi situation at your event.
I am now referring to my parents as numbers like you guys refer to your kids.
72 & 70 are coming to visit, send wine.