Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of amandajpanda's best tweets

@amandajpanda : The eliptical I want costs $500, the cheeseburger I want cost $1, you see my dilemma?

@amandajpanda: I just went through the $10 carwash by myself without any kids and it was the best vacation I've been on in 4 years.

@amandajpanda: If you're going to walk a mile in my shoes, take my fitbit with you.

@amandajpanda: I've been shelling pistachios for 3 hours now, I have 9.

@amandajpanda: "How'd ya get that bruise on your cheek?"

*remembers dropping her phone on her face in bed*

Me: Street Fight

@amandajpanda: Me: I like your Prince tattoo.
"It's my mother."
Me: Your mother is Prince?

@amandajpanda: I can't RSVP until I know the wifi situation at your event.

@amandajpanda: I am now referring to my parents as numbers like you guys refer to your kids.

72 & 70 are coming to visit, send wine.