@amandajpanda

The eliptical I want costs $500, the cheeseburger I want cost $1, you see my dilemma?

@amandajpanda

I just went through the $10 carwash by myself without any kids and it was the best vacation I’ve been on in 4 years.

@amandajpanda

If you’re going to walk a mile in my shoes, take my fitbit with you.

@amandajpanda

“How’d ya get that bruise on your cheek?”

*remembers dropping her phone on her face in bed*

Me: Street Fight

@amandajpanda

Me: I like your Prince tattoo.
“It’s my mother.”
Me: Your mother is Prince?

@amandajpanda

I am now referring to my parents as numbers like you guys refer to your kids.

72 & 70 are coming to visit, send wine.