
Does the thirty minutes of cardio have to be all at once or can you spread it out over fifty years?
Does the thirty minutes of cardio have to be all at once or can you spread it out over fifty years?
Think my wife is a little OCD since whenever I go out with the kids I need to come home with the exact same amount.
Me teaching Wilderness Survival Class:
“OK EVERYBODY WATCH CAREFULLY AS I DRIVE *AWAY* FROM THE WILDERNESS.”
A political analyst said we can defeat ISIS by “crippling them financially” so maybe we can sneak into Syria and build them a Whole Foods.
Chicago launched an innovative new ride-sharing program today and the way it works is some guy stole my bike.
* Runs Baywatch-style into oncoming traffic *
My mother talks into the phone like a combat soldier calling in air support.
Guy stole my identity this week and I’m like I HAVE A FAMILY YOU HAVE TO TAKE THEM TOO
Wife said I should talk to the kids about drugs so I told them how faking a back injury would usually get you some Vicodin.
Did some financial planning and it looks like I can retire at 62 and live comfortably for eleven minutes.