@amishschool

My wife yelled, “This is the LAST TIME I’m going to tell you to take out the trash”, and I thought, thank goodness THAT is finally over.

@amishschool

If you heard twenty minutes of moaning from my bedroom that was just me trying to stand up.

@amishschool

This guy in my office is a little paranoid and it’s making it that much harder to poison him.

@amishschool

My son, 5, scared of the thunder.

I told him that was silly considering the sun could explode any day, killing us all.

Think that helped.

@amishschool

My office has started random urine testing of employees to detect traces of hope or optimism.

@amishschool

Dropped mother-in-law at airport.

Her flight isn’t until Tuesday, but with security and all, best to play it safe.

@amishschool

Thirty days sober folks.

Not consecutively, but here and there over the years.

I’m estimating.