7 had questions about periods so I answered as best as I could and when I told her they happen every month, she burst into tears which is the appropriate response.
You Might Also Like
In what can only be described as the least surprising coincidence of all time, I just found out that the 5 year-old girl who keeps stealing the buttons off my son’s shirts at school is named Coraline
everywhere a sign. ⚠️
Exchange student: my village back home still lacks access to clean water
Me: ugh I know how you feel. we’ve needed a Target for like, ever
Apparently, we have unique tongue prints, just like fingerprints.
So quit licking my windows. I can find out who you are.
I’m not ashamed to say I will never be mature enough to help with school projects about Uranus.
Interviewer: Why do you think you’d make a good waiter?
Me: (says nothing)
Interviewer: are you…waiting?
Me: *nods*
Interviewer: holy shit
Me: I just want to meet someone like me. Someone interesting.
Them: well which is it?
day 9 in quarantine: On my way to working from home
Geologically speaking San Francisco is such bullshit. “I’m gonna make you go up three hills and down two hills to get anywhere!” Grow up.
Please help settle an argument between me and my wife:
I say it’s weird she dresses Mr Whiskers and Fluffykins in different outfits every day, and wheels them around town in a stroller
She says it’s more weird that I insisted on giving those names to our kids.
gonna play video games. i need a mental escape from politics, it feels like the apocalypse
-plays Fallout, a game about living in the apocalypse-
I wonder what Cannibals & Aztecs would say, watching civilized people eat symbolic hearts of loved ones on Valentine’s Day.
*drops off box to Salvation Army*
“Sir, why is this box marked W I F E?”
*peels out*
[Last day in prison]
*Walks up to the biggest guy*
Hey man, sorry about that first day stuff.
I’m creating an “OnlyDans,” where Dans get together to complain about being called “Dan the man, Daniel-san” and “Danny Boy” our whole lives.
“Doctor, is the baby healthy?”
“Yes Kanye, and just so you know I was the first one to hold her.”
“Huh?”
*Ray-J pulls off surgical mask
why r babies always crying u don’t even have jobs
Climate Change is just a scam to sell more Climate.
How do horror writers compete with current events?
If you would like to get an idea of what an exorcism is like, try putting clothes on a toddler.
Beauty and the Beast (1991): A woman develops Stockholm Syndrome, emotionally bonding with her captor at castle furnished with singing decor
What it said: May cause headache, fatigue, flatulence, weight loss, baldness, and even death.
What I heard: Weight loss.
*doubles dosage*
I’m never gonna tell the person I’m meeting up with that you said hi.
I take it personally when I let a car cut in front of me and then they immediately get into another lane. Come back you are with me now.
If your kid’s shitty kindergarten drawing is hanging on your fridge, you are an enabler of mediocrity.
If they ever invent time travel my dad would still insist on leaving early to avoid traffic
OK, THAT’S IT! [angrily slams newspaper down on table] I am DONE with the Family Circus!
Flipped over my therapist’s writing pad and it was just a New York Times crossword with “shut up” written in every blank.
I love balloons! I keep tying them to my arm, but I think I’m getting carried away.