Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

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Page of anerdonfire2's best tweets

@anerdonfire2 : Wait... we're supposed to be learning from our mistakes?!

@anerdonfire2: Look lady, you'll find out why I brought a bib to our date as soon as the food gets here.

@anerdonfire2: The date abruptly ended when an argument over who's the hottest Disney princess spiralled out of control.

@anerdonfire2: It turns out that you can only spray so many people down with Febreze before they fire you as a Wal Mart greeter.

@anerdonfire2: I make all guests at my house leave their phones at the door just because I know they'll leave quicker that way.

@anerdonfire2: Apparently being a 45 year old man sitting on Santa's lap demanding the heads of your enemies is just too much for some malls.

@anerdonfire2: Let's just say she wasn't impressed when I picked her up in my go-kart.

@anerdonfire2: Fun fact:

Wiping your nose on the person's shoulder during a hug discourages future hugs.

@anerdonfire2: I'm sorry I ate your food but you just kept taking pics of it instead of eating it.

@anerdonfire2: As my mom finishes up cutting up my steak for me, I can't help but notice that my date looks upset.