Looking back, I should have considered all the framed pics of serial killers she had as a red flag.
Unfortunately, not even me offering to cut my toenails could save the relationship.
You say lobotomy like it’s a bad thing.
I knew I had succeeded as a life coach when they called me needing to be bailed out of jail.
The second date went downhill fast when I showed up with a scrapbook of our first date.
The date was going splendidly until my mom called and we argued over my curfew in front of her.
I’d dust but it would defeat the medieval castle ambience I’m going for.
I hate to brag but my family has testified against me in court more than yours has.
Little did she know she had fallen into my trap when I pissed her off so much that she threw her Snickers bar at me.
I didn’t even know my grandma had a gun until I coughed at her house.