@anerdonfire2

I hate to brag but strangers were spraying me with Lysol before this all started.

@anerdonfire2

One advantage of looking creepy is people tend to avoid conversations with you.

@anerdonfire2

If I insult you, I’m either flirting or genuinely don’t like you. Good luck with that.

@anerdonfire2

Getting high with witches sounds super cool until they start looking at you and whispering about sacrifices.

@anerdonfire2

Unfortunately she wasn’t even looking when I was pulling off those sweet moves on the trampoline.

@anerdonfire2

It took three nurses to pull me off of that doctor after he told me I need to give up potatoes.

@anerdonfire2

Impress them on your first date by showing up in a shirt with their face on it.

@anerdonfire2

Look lady, you’ll find out why I brought a bib to our date as soon as the food gets here.