It turned out to be a huge mistake filling that pinata with healthy snacks around kids with weapons to beat you with.
Look lady, I’m sure your Onlyfans is nice but let’s wait until this funeral is over to talk about it.
Apparently asking the car salesmen how many people can fit in the trunk is a no no.
I was 15 minutes into destroying a plate full of ribs before I even noticed my date had left.
Apparently trying to bribe a zookeeper to set up an animal Thunderdome situation will get you kicked out of the zoo.
The date was going horribly until I brought out my tambourine.
Establish dominance by ordering ribs on your date and refuse to use a napkin.
Looking back, I should have considered all the framed pics of serial killers she had as a red flag.
Unfortunately, not even me offering to cut my toenails could save the relationship.
You say lobotomy like it’s a bad thing.
I knew I had succeeded as a life coach when they called me needing to be bailed out of jail.
The second date went downhill fast when I showed up with a scrapbook of our first date.
The date was going splendidly until my mom called and we argued over my curfew in front of her.
I’d dust but it would defeat the medieval castle ambience I’m going for.
I hate to brag but my family has testified against me in court more than yours has.