There’s a whole baby vegetable industry that makes me wonder if we might be monsters.
I say make the bed the second you get out of it. My sister says let the sheets cool first. We each suspect the other of instability.
You want my friends and family rate? That’s double.
“Of course the water feels harder at higher speeds. The molecules have to separate.”
[You wish the chemist to whom you are married watched the Olympic diving trials just for the pretty girls. But when do you ever get what you want?]
I am no longer hungry. Nor is, I assume, the cicada I have just discovered crushed into the tread of my sneakers.
If you’re boarding first, dress casually. It’s no good unless everyone at the gate is surprised.
And another thing. People just want to eat a banana without ridicule. They need the potassium. What do you people have against potassium?
This is a wedding toast I made up you can use if you want:
Some say you aren’t good enough for him. Some say you aren’t good enough for her. I say you’re good enough for each other.
I’m just a girl standing in front of a boy watching him clean his golf clubs with the wire brush I use for my suede boots.
When the horse rides back into camp without the rider, it’s never good news, but no one ever suspects the horse.
Our roofer is concerned (long story) that “our little ones might eat mulch.” I’m more concerned he’s seeing little ones I don’t know about.
If you excel at something, people love it until they don’t. But you won’t know when that will be until after you take out a mortgage.
Depends on what the free sample is. Is it brisket?
My cat WHO EATS STINK BUGS OFF THE WINDOW SILL refuses the $8.99/lb deli turkey I bought especially for her sensitive mouth.
I had the whole English language available to me and I used “weirdo” twice. But when you’re confronted with a weirdo…well that’s why we have the word weirdo.