@anniemalistics

Boy, are you 40 mg of Adderall? Because without you, I’d really lose my shit. Also boy, are you my car keys? If you were, where would you be, I’m gonna be late

@anniemalistics

My millet seed brings all the birds to the yard and they’re like
CAW CAW CAW CAW CAW

@anniemalistics

Some dance to remember, some dance to forget, some dance because the swamp witch’s curse compels them to, and you can usually pick those ones out right away.

@anniemalistics

Dream catchers imply the existence of dream pitchers, dream shortstops, an entire dream team.

@anniemalistics

[before invention of Twitter]

Void: I just feel empty sometimes

Abyss: *sighs* IKR

[after invention of Twitter]

Void: (:

Abyss: (:

@anniemalistics

Me: Look, I don’t mind if you watch me shower, but my husband’s probably gonna kill you if he catches you.
Spider:

@anniemalistics

Husband: Why is there a Hot Pocket plugged into the charger?
Me: [looking down at the phone I’m eating]