Boy, are you 40 mg of Adderall? Because without you, I’d really lose my shit. Also boy, are you my car keys? If you were, where would you be, I’m gonna be late
My millet seed brings all the birds to the yard and they’re like
CAW CAW CAW CAW CAW
Some dance to remember, some dance to forget, some dance because the swamp witch’s curse compels them to, and you can usually pick those ones out right away.
Dream catchers imply the existence of dream pitchers, dream shortstops, an entire dream team.
[before invention of Twitter]
Void: I just feel empty sometimes
Abyss: *sighs* IKR
[after invention of Twitter]
Me: Look, I don’t mind if you watch me shower, but my husband’s probably gonna kill you if he catches you.
Husband: Why is there a Hot Pocket plugged into the charger?
Me: [looking down at the phone I’m eating]