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@aparnapkin : picnics are a great way to think you're hanging out with friends but actually you're sitting on something wet
@aparnapkin: I would describe my conference call personality as “also there”
@aparnapkin: Probably a bad sign that I now watch "The Handmaid's Tale" to unwind from the news
@aparnapkin: Ocean’s 8 makes me feel seen as a woman but also as someone who has tried to organize anything with more than 3 people
@aparnapkin: Shazam but for whether someone is mad at you
@aparnapkin: Parties are like jury duty for introverts. You know it's the right thing to show up, but you really hope there's a murder so it's worth it.
@aparnapkin: If you really wanna honor the spirit of 2017, instead of kissing someone at midnight, push them off a bridge
@aparnapkin: if someone is yelling at you, put a smoothie in their hand. it's hard to be intimidated by someone holding a smoothie.
@aparnapkin: I realized taking dogs for walks is basically their way of checking social media. One lap of smells is a newsfeed scroll. Peeing is posting.
@aparnapkin: Have you ever heard someone honking so aggressively & for so long that you're like "this was never about the traffic, was it, buddy?"