@ashleycrem

HR called me in today and told me I have a bad attitude. So they’re transferring me over to IT and giving me a raise.

@ashleycrem

If pharmaceutical companies have taught me anything, they’ve taught me that people with life threatening illnesses love to hike.

@ashleycrem

I had children for two reasons; I wanted to start a loving family, and I needed a quick excuse to leave things.

@ashleycrem

My 4 y/o doesn’t realize that things in life have happened before his existence. I bet this is what life is like for Kanye. Let’s be gentle.

@ashleycrem

I’m getting really irritated. This is the tenth ATM I’ve been to in the last week that’s had “insufficient funds”.