Funny Tweeter

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Page of asimplesean's best tweets

@asimplesean : Just saw a dog with three legs. He did have a fourth leg, but he also had three legs.

@asimplesean: Grease (1978, musical)
A highschool girl wins happiness and the acceptance of her peers by changing who she is and taking up smoking.

@asimplesean: Star Wars (1977, PG) a group of terrorists enlist the aid of a drug smuggler and a religious fanatic to bomb the seat of governmental power.

@asimplesean: It's a doge eat doge world out there. Such cutthroat. Very survival of the fitter

@asimplesean: Pretty sure my dog would make a shitty astronaut because space is a vacuum and those tend to scare him

@asimplesean: Actually, until you cut into it it's chocolate *magma* cake. If you could just bring me a menu with the proper nomenclature that'd be great.

@asimplesean: The first rule of Illiteracy Club is no reading. That was a test, and you failed. You're failing now. You're not welcome in Illiteracy Club.

@asimplesean: I approach.
"Girl are you a couch? Cuz I'm gonna try & fail to pick you up."
She laughs. "I'm Jen."
My training hasn't prepared me for this.