Husband: are you cooking something?
Me: of course not
Husband: the oven timer just went off
Me: oh yeah, take the wine out of the freezer
At age 40 you gain the capacity to fall totally chemically head over heels in love with a refrigerator.
“Sorry, her father is a pterodactyl” – me with the screeching baby in the grocery store.
So Kanye West said he is an intellectual who doesn’t read books. Which I get because I am an an athlete that rarely moves.