I enjoy long walks in the woods, but only because there’s a chance I’ll get eaten by a bear.
I always wear striped stockings in hopes someone will mistake me for a witch and drop a house on me.
Keep your friends close and your flamethrower closer.
Stop staring lady, I was meowing at your cat.
Don’t cook with kids if you don’t know how to season them.
I miss the good old days, when more people were catapulted.
I’m sorry I pretended I was dead when I saw you at a grocery store.
I screamed into the void and the void threw a toaster at me.
When I was a kid, a girl called me a witch for having green eyes. She’s a hamster now.
People will never forget you, if you push them down the stairs.
I’m starting to think aliens are avoiding us.
You deserve someone who’ll chase you with a chainsaw.
I’m sorry I pretended I was dead when you said hi.
If I chase you, it’s most definitely with a chainsaw.
Everyone knows you don’t need a wood chipper, if you have pigs.