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Page of awkwardphilippe's best tweets

@awkwardphilippe : [5 mins after being stranded on an island with a group of people]

Me: who do we eat first

@awkwardphilippe: [enter password]
[password not strong enough]

@awkwardphilippe: PRIEST: does anyone object to this marriage

ME: (clearing throat)




ME: i accidentally swallowed a Lego just now

@awkwardphilippe: HER: men are so creepy

ME(from inside the walls): define creepy

@awkwardphilippe: Age 10: One day I will get married and have 10 kids
Age 20: I hope I find someone neat
Age 30: *hissing sound*

@awkwardphilippe: Why is it called a bathroom scented candle and not a john wick?

@awkwardphilippe: HER: I love Game Of Thrones

ME(trying to impress her): I slept with my sister

@awkwardphilippe: Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded? There was nothing left but de brie

@awkwardphilippe: *walks in*


*does a 360° and walks in further*

Ah that's why I failed geometry