Break the ice when sending business emails by being the first to use a poop emoji
How to handle a one night stand the next morning:
1. Put on Titanic
2. He’s gone, that’s it
Can I ask you a question without you getting mad?
-People who are about to piss you off
“And then she kissed the frog and saw him turn into a prince, because kissing frogs makes you hallucinate.”
-me as a babysitter
“There’s plenty of fish in the sea” is just something people say because you’re going to be alone. Fishing is something you can do alone.
Someone just called for cleanup in the dairy aisle but I’m the only one here so I dropped the jug of milk I was holding and ran
Interviewer: Give me an example of something you took with you from your last job
Me: Toilet paper