@bananagrvyrd

If they can put a man on the moon they can make a pair of glasses that scream before you sit on them

@bananagrvyrd

My dog does this thing where it thunders and suddenly I’m wearing a dog hat.

@bananagrvyrd

If anyone ever saw me trying to zip up my jacket I’m pretty sure they’d make me repeat third grade.

@bananagrvyrd

Opened the lint filter on my dryer after washing my dog’s bedding and another dog fell out.

@bananagrvyrd

My DNA results came back and apparently I’m .0002% aardvark. Which pretty much answers all the questions I’ve ever had. About anything.

@bananagrvyrd

Sometimes when I look into the sky I get overwhelmed with emotion and eat the nearest entire tree and everything living in that tree

@bananagrvyrd

People who talk to themselves are more intelligent then those who don’t, or at least that’s what I like to tell myself.

@bananagrvyrd

Just spent 5 minutes waving my hands in front of a manual paper towel dispenser if anyone needs someone to take their SAT exam for them.

@bananagrvyrd

So apparently you’re supposed to change the lint filter in the dryer more than once a year firemen are hot