@barryjohnharper
Oh, you’re a stoner?
Name every stone.
@barryjohnharper
@barryjohnharper
Bon Jovi must be at least 3/4 of the way there by now.
@barryjohnharper
Monopoly made me believe there would more bank errors in my favour as an adult.
@barryjohnharper
Wireless bra? What’s the password?
@barryjohnharper
*goes out*
*realises why I stay in.*
@barryjohnharper
I just stabbed my salad 23 times with my fork & now it’s a Caesar Salad.
@barryjohnharper
Diet starts today.
I need to lose about 3 years.
@barryjohnharper
My dad was a failed magician & I have two half-sisters.
@barryjohnharper
I came.
I saw.
I forgot why I went upstairs.
@barryjohnharper
The older I get, the less ‘life in prison’ becomes a deterrent.