@bartandsoul

The daughter is spending the night out tonight so the wife & I are going to do that thing we like to do when she’s gone.

*watch tv in separate rooms.

@bartandsoul

A Tinder app, only you hook up with the best buffets in your town

@bartandsoul

If your wife makes a comment and you ask “how is that my problem?” It just became your problem.

@bartandsoul

2019: no carbs

2020: eats a loaf of Wonder Bread out of the bag like it’s popcorn at the movies

@bartandsoul

Dinner then: lean protein, fresh vegetables, good carbs

Dinner now: on the rocks

@bartandsoul

You know who makes the best spaghetti? My mother!

My infamous last words to my wife

@bartandsoul

Wife: What in the hell are you eating?!?!

Me: Soup

W: That’s Queso dip!!

M: Cheese soup

@bartandsoul

Establish dominance by bringing a Squatty Potty to a business meeting

@bartandsoul

My favorite thing about eating at a traditional Italian restaurant is getting a side of pasta with my pasta