The daughter is spending the night out tonight so the wife & I are going to do that thing we like to do when she’s gone.
*watch tv in separate rooms.
A Tinder app, only you hook up with the best buffets in your town
If your wife makes a comment and you ask “how is that my problem?” It just became your problem.
Those three magical words:
“Where’s the plunger?”
2019: no carbs
2020: eats a loaf of Wonder Bread out of the bag like it’s popcorn at the movies
Dinner then: lean protein, fresh vegetables, good carbs
Dinner now: on the rocks
You know who makes the best spaghetti? My mother!
My infamous last words to my wife
Wife: What in the hell are you eating?!?!
W: That’s Queso dip!!
M: Cheese soup
Establish dominance by bringing a Squatty Potty to a business meeting
My favorite thing about eating at a traditional Italian restaurant is getting a side of pasta with my pasta