“I DO NOT DRINK TOO MUCH!!” I scream angrily at the neighbors garden gnome
“Where is the pooping bathroom?” I casually ask the hostess at the holiday party I’ll never be invited to again.
My appearance can best be described as “hopefully he has a good personality.”
Wife: “You want to come upstairs?”
Me: “Hell yes!”
Wife: “I was talking to the dog.”
Still cleaning up glitter from my 5yo’s school project.
She turns 15 on Sunday.