@bartandsoul

“I DO NOT DRINK TOO MUCH!!” I scream angrily at the neighbors garden gnome

@bartandsoul

“Where is the pooping bathroom?” I casually ask the hostess at the holiday party I’ll never be invited to again.

@bartandsoul

My appearance can best be described as “hopefully he has a good personality.”

@bartandsoul

Wife: “You want to come upstairs?”

Me: “Hell yes!”

Wife: “I was talking to the dog.”

@bartandsoul

Still cleaning up glitter from my 5yo’s school project.

She turns 15 on Sunday.