@bazlyons

I always hold open doors and let ladies through first because, you know, snipers.

@bazlyons

Turns out when you’re asked who your favourite child is you’re expected to pick from your own.

@bazlyons

‘Always the bridesmaid, never the bride’ is good advice for any best man.

@bazlyons

They say punching a shark is an effective way to prevent a shark attack but my preference would still be ‘land’

@bazlyons

[strip to the waist for my fight club debut]
Opponent: “dude they meant the top half” *walks away*
[I claim victory and retire undefeated]