I always hold open doors and let ladies through first because, you know, snipers.
Turns out when you’re asked who your favourite child is you’re expected to pick from your own.
‘Always the bridesmaid, never the bride’ is good advice for any best man.
They say punching a shark is an effective way to prevent a shark attack but my preference would still be ‘land’
[strip to the waist for my fight club debut]
Opponent: “dude they meant the top half” *walks away*
[I claim victory and retire undefeated]