*amateur magician does tablecloth-pulling trick, knocking everything over*
Cat in audience: Oh, this guy’s good
GHOST: I’m here to warn you to change your ways before it’s too late
POLTERGEIST: I’ma open your cupboards
“So to tame the lion, you have this whip…”
What if the lion’s too close?
[picking up tiny stool] “we’ve thought of that”
“This is The Grey Wall of China”
I think it’s ‘great’
“We all do, pal”
“Can you describe the snake that bit you?”
Yes it was like an angry rope
I had two ribs removed so I could pet small dogs easier.
“Did you guys see me get so mad I flipped a table?”
Yes Tony, we saw it. You’re 46. You have to stop taking your skateboard to restaurants.
“Surely EVERYONE pisses in the shower?” I protest as I’m dragged out of Ikea
Judge: The defendant is claiming you’re a nazi. Is this true?
Lawyer: *flustered* er no fuhrer questions your honour
[guy bursts into crowded real estate agents]
OK NOBODY MOVE
*from back office*
Aw c’mon man – really? It’s tough enough in this economy.