[with father in law]
“You know how to pluck a goose, son?”
Er yes sir, sure do
*stretches goose’s neck and plays it like a double bass*
“What kind of ANIMAL would DO this?”
Well, that’s a gazelle Jeff, so probably a lion *to other ranger* Jeff’s new here
Dad, Mum, this is my girlfriend. You might recognise her, she used to be quite famous
*the laugh-cry emoji steps forward shyly*
Hitlers gonna hitl
My waterslide technique has been described as ‘oafish’, ‘dangerous’ and ‘how did you get into the penguin enclosure’.
You wanna see the most dangerous animal in the world mate? Go look in the mirror.
(I’ve locked an adult male puma in their bathroom)