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Page of bea_ker's best tweets

@bea_ker : [guy bursts into crowded real estate agents]

OK NOBODY MOVE

*from back office*

Aw c'mon man - really? It's tough enough in this economy.

@bea_ker: [with father in law]

"You know how to pluck a goose, son?"

Er yes sir, sure do

*stretches goose's neck and plays it like a double bass*

@bea_ker: *blood everywhere*

"What kind of ANIMAL would DO this?"

Well, that's a gazelle Jeff, so probably a lion *to other ranger* Jeff's new here

@bea_ker: [2025]

Dad, Mum, this is my girlfriend. You might recognise her, she used to be quite famous

*the laugh-cry emoji steps forward shyly*

@bea_ker: My waterslide technique has been described as 'oafish', 'dangerous' and 'how did you get into the penguin enclosure'.

@bea_ker: You wanna see the most dangerous animal in the world mate? Go look in the mirror.

(I've locked an adult male puma in their bathroom)