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@bea_ker : [guy bursts into crowded real estate agents]
OK NOBODY MOVE
*from back office*
Aw c'mon man - really? It's tough enough in this economy.
@bea_ker: [with father in law]
"You know how to pluck a goose, son?"
Er yes sir, sure do
*stretches goose's neck and plays it like a double bass*
@bea_ker: *blood everywhere*
"What kind of ANIMAL would DO this?"
Well, that's a gazelle Jeff, so probably a lion *to other ranger* Jeff's new here
Dad, Mum, this is my girlfriend. You might recognise her, she used to be quite famous
*the laugh-cry emoji steps forward shyly*
@bea_ker: Hitlers gonna hitl
@bea_ker: My waterslide technique has been described as 'oafish', 'dangerous' and 'how did you get into the penguin enclosure'.
@bea_ker: You wanna see the most dangerous animal in the world mate? Go look in the mirror.
(I've locked an adult male puma in their bathroom)