Sure sex is great, but have you ever had the house to yourself?
‘You probably need to pee soon, huh?’
~The monster under my bed
Teenagers are just human karma.
Meditation is just the gateway drug to flat out ignoring people.
I swear it’s like nobody who says ‘bite me’ actually means it anymore.
All you need is love.
and health insurance.
Sometimes I think the only thing I learn from my mistakes is how to make bigger ones.
I turned out ok for someone essentially raised by Bugs Bunny.
Only marriage can turn an incorrectly folded towel into an act of war.
I was halfway to the state line before I realized the sirens were part of the song that was playing…