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@bigmacher : #GettingOldMeans if I drop a pen on the ground it stays on the ground. Bending down is a young man's game.
@bigmacher: You’ve been promoted to customer
@bigmacher: #ItsTheEndOfTheWorldAnd I'm going to run with scissors and swim immediately after eating!!!
@bigmacher: Please retweet my son, it would mean a lot to him, apparently his mother's love isn't enough for him.
@bigmacher: I saw Jesus trending and my heart dropped. My first thought was 'damn you 2016!' but then i realized it was just his birthday.
@bigmacher: #IHaveJustEnoughMoneyTo pay my phone bill so I can call my credit card company to tell them I don't have money to pay them.
@bigmacher: If the Powerball has taught me anything, it's how to turn $200 into $4.
@bigmacher: #MyRoommateIsWeird she keeps having babies and making me take care of them. She also insists I call her 'Wife'
@bigmacher: As long as Apple doesn't announce Ben Affleck as the new iPhone I think everything is going to be OK.
@bigmacher: Cat saves kid? Please. My cat would've pushed me into traffic, stolen my identity, & would be living it up in Mexico by now.