ME: *flipping over a saltine like a Tarot card* Oh that’s not good.
You might remember me from such productions as Skirt Tucked Into Pantyhose, or, Oh! You Weren’t Waving at Me.
FLIGHT ATTENDANT: Is anyone here a doctor?
ME: *opening WebMD* Hold on, hold on.
[me as a mechanic]
*wiping hands with a greasy rag* Yep, it’s haunted.
A corn maze but inside you try to apply for unemployment.
ME [being stabbed by a stingray]: This pancake seems angry.
TV is so unrealistic. Friends drop by unannounced and people are happy to see them
A crab has one big arm because that’s the one he uses to bring all the groceries in.
[the first person to hear thunder] Well, that can’t be good.
You people and your Duck Tales. I was raised on real cartoons about nosy hippies in a sketchy van who were so high they thought their dog could talk.