@blainecapatch

the worst part of homeschooling is when my kid shoves me into a locker in front of all the cheerleaders

@blainecapatch

just took the “what’s your social security number?” quiz on facebook

@blainecapatch

a lot of people are really funny but they’re not comedians and a lot of comedians are really funny but they’re not people

@blainecapatch

and jesus said, “there was only one set of footprints because sandpeople always ride single file to hide their numbers.”

@blainecapatch

whenever god closes a door he opens a window because he’s taking a pretty nasty shit in there.