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@bngzyface : [Restaurant]
Me: I’ll have a Chef Salad, no lettuce.
Waiter: So just a bowl of meats and cheeses?
Me: Still call it a salad though.
@bngzyface: *brushing crumbs onto floor*
Me: C’mere, Roomba. Here’s some snacks.
@bngzyface: I carry extra deodorant in my purse in case I get sweaty or so I can casually rub it on strangers.
@bngzyface: [At the gym]
Him: Time for crunches.
Me: *Already shoving Doritos into my mouth* Way ahead of you.
@bngzyface: *First day as therapist*
Me: Stop that.
@bngzyface: [Cooking class]
Teacher: Please stop spooning me, that’s not what I meant.
@bngzyface: Saddest phrase: Hollow chocolate bunny
@bngzyface: IKEA is short for I Kan’t Even Anymore.
@bngzyface: *Adds “blow dried my hair” into myfitnesspal*
@bngzyface: Being alone in the desert for 40 days and nights sounds nice.